Rights of Husband upon the wife

Allah TaAla has given great rights to the husband and has attached a lot of virtue to him. Pleasing the husband and keeping him happy is a great act of ‘ibadah and displeasing him or keeping him unhappy is a major sin.

1. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:  "The woman who offers her five times salat, fasts in the month of Ramadan, protects her honour and respect, and obeys her husband has the choice of entering jannah from whichever door she wishes to enter from." This means that from the eight doors of jannah she can enter through whichever door she wishes without even having to knock on that door.

2. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:  "The woman who passes away in such a state that her husband is pleased with her will enter jannah."

3. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:  "Were I to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband. If the husband orders his wife to carry the boulders of one mountain to the next mountain, and the boulders of the next mountain to a third mountain, she will have to do this."

4. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:  "When the husband calls his wife, she should go immediately to him even if she is busy at her stove." In other words, no matter how important a task she may be busy with, she should leave it and go to him.

5. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:  "When a man calls his wife to engage in sexual intercourse with him and she does not go and because of this he sleeps away angrily, the angels continue cursing this woman till the morning."

6. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:  "When a woman troubles or displeases her husband in this world, the hûr of jannah that has been set aside for him says:  "May Allah curse you! Do not trouble him. He is your guest for a few days. Soon he will leave you and come to me."

7. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:  "There are three types of people whose salat is not accepted, nor is any other good act of theirs accepted. One is a slave who runs away from his master. The second is a woman whose husband is displeased with her. The third is a person who is in a state of intoxication."

8. A person asked:  "Who is the best woman?" Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam replied:  "The best woman is one who pleases her husband when he looks at her, when he asks her to do something she obeys him, and she does not do anything that may displease him with regard to his wealth and honour."

One of the rights of the husband is that the wife should not keep any optional fasts nor offer any optional salat in his presence without his permission. Among the rights of the husband is that she should not remain in an untidy, dishevelled state. Instead, she should always remain clean and beautiful for her husband. In fact, if she remains untidy and dishevelled despite her husband ordering her to remain clean, he has the right of beating her (lightly) in order that she may obey him. Another right of the husband is that she should not leave the house without his permission irrespective of whether it be the house of a friend, relative or anyone else.

The rights of the husband upon his wife are greater than the rights of the wife upon her husband for the simple reason that Allaah, the Almighty, stated in the Glorious Quran what means: “…And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allaah is Exalted in Might and Wise." [Quran 2: 228]

Man is the caretaker of his wife and household. He is responsible for all her affairs. He is responsible for training, direction and discipline if needed. Allaah Almighty Says what means: “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth…” [Quran 4:34]

It is an essential right of man over his wife to be obeyed so long as his commands do not conflict or contradict the commands of Allaah, the Almighty, Allaah’s Messenger  and the general teachings and codes of ethics of Islam.

Allaah Almighty Says in the same verse mentioned above (what means):"...But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.." [Quran 4:34]

A Muslim wife must protect her husband’s secrets, privacies, honor and dignity. She also must protect his wealth, children, finance, belongings and other aspects of his household, as much as possible.

Allaah Almighty Says in the same verse (what means): "...So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allaah would have them guard..." [Quran 4:34]

Allaah's Messenger  said: "The wife is the guardian over the house of her husband and his children." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] 

And, “If I were to command a single person to bow in prostration to another person, I could have commanded a woman to bow down (in obedience and respect, not in worship) to her husband.” [Abu Daawood]

Allaah’s Messenger  also said: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed, but the latter refused to fulfill the call (for any reason other than a lawful one), which drives the man to become upset with his wife, then angels will curse such a wife until she gets up in the morning.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

He  furthermore, said: "Their (husbands') rights over you (wives) is that you do not allow anyone whom they dislike onto your bedding and you do not allow anyone whom they dislike into your house." [At-Tirmithi]

The wife must not leave the house except with her husband's permission and approval. She must also lower her gaze, keep her voice low, keep her hands from reaching out to anything evil and keep her tongue from any lewd or foul speech. She also must not harm his parents or near relatives.

This is because Allaah Almighty has said (what means): "And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance...." [Quran 33:33]

Allaah Almighty also has said (what means): "...Do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech." [Quran 33:32] 

In another verse, Allaah Sayas (what means): "And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof..." [Quran 24:31]

Allaah's Messenger  said: "The best woman is the one who when you look at her, you are pleased; when you order her, she obeys; if you are absent from her, she guards herself and your property." [At-Tabarani]

An other right of the husband over his wife is that the husband may ask his wife not do something, including, but not limited to voluntary acts of worship, other than obligatory, which cause her to lessen the time that her husband may have to enjoy her.

Allaah’s Messenger  stated: “A wife is not allowed to observe fast (other than fasting in the month of Ramadan, the prescribed, unless she has his permission. She may not allow any one to come into his house, unless he permits.” [At-Tirmithi] 

Moreover, Allaah’s Messenger  placed the satisfaction and pleasure of a husband to be one of the reasons to enable the wife to enter Paradise.

At-Tirmithi reported from Umm Salamah, the mother of the believers that Allaah’s Messenger  said: “Any woman whose husband dies while he is pleased, happy and satisfied with her (acts, attitudes and behavior) will enter Jannah (Paradise).”

These are but few items of the many rights that Islam, the religion of truth, imposes upon those who commit themselves to follow and practice it as a way of life. We vividly see that such rights, if maintained properly, will lead a society to peace, happiness and tranquility.

A husband becomes caring, affectionate, loving and responsible, yet directing and capable of discipline when needed to improve a troublesome situation, regardless of his tender care and love for his wife, so that vise and wickedness will not spread in the society.

A wife becomes more respected, adored, cared for, highly needed and appreciated if she respects the rights of her husband, and equally given the rights she is entitled for by Islam. 

In such a coherent way, the religion of truth, goodness, justice, equity, and all fairness coincide with basic requirements of life including harmony between all the members of the society, especially between the husband and the wife.

The Rights of Wives on Husbands in Islam

Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala has prescribed certain rights of the husband towards their wives. The Holy Qur’an says: “The women have almost the same rights over men as men have certain rights over the women in kindness.”

Beloved Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said: “Best among you are those who behave well with their women.”

The Prophet of Allah SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has also said: “I make a Will to you about the women, so obey my will.”

In another Hadith, the Beloved Habeeb SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam is reported to have said: “No believing man should have enmity and hatred against a believing woman. If he dislikes certain habits of that woman, there would certainly be some virtues in her too.”

The Hadith means that the woman must be having both good and bad habits. Man should not always point out her bad habits only. He should also appreciate her good habits.

The Rights of the Wife

There are certain obligations that men owe to the women and these obligations should be fully appreciated.

1. Every husband has the obligation to provide for the sustenance of his wife. She should be provided with adequate food, a comfortable home, suitable clothes and other basic amenities of life. He should always bear in mind that this woman has disassociated herself from her parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends and has joined him to share all the ups and downs of life. Hence, it has become his duty to look after her basic needs and comforts.

2. It should be remembered that husbands, who never bother for the sustenance of their wives, commit a severe crime of depriving Allah’s SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala creatures of their rights. Such people would be dealt with severely in the Court of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala. The Holy Qur’an says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.” [4:34]

3. The husband should satisfy his wife’s physical needs. The Sharee’ah has not prescribed any limit for this. But, he has to ensure that woman’s minimum sexual requirements are met so that she may not commit a sin by eyeing other men in order to quench her thirst. There are certain men who, after marriage, do not take care of the sexual needs of their wives. Such people are great sinners and will be severely convicted in the Court of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala. Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala has granted women the right to conjugal relations with their husbands. The importance of this right can be well understood by the following example of Ameer al-Mo’mineen Sayyiduna Umar al-Farooq Radi ALLAHu Ta'ala Anho. It is reported that he was on his routine inspection round at night in Madinatul Munawwara when he heard an old lady moaning and reciting melancholic couplets. The Caliph Radi ALLAHu Ta'ala Anho stopped there and listened to the wailing lady. He Radi ALLAHu Ta'ala Anho investigated the matter and came to know that the husband of the woman had gone for Jihad long time ago and this woman has been remembering her husband with these sad couplets. The Ameer Radi ALLAHu Ta'ala Anho was deeply moved and immediately issued an official Decree to all chiefs of his army that no married man should be away from his wife for more than four months.

4. The husband should not beat up his wife without her committing a most severe crime. The Messenger of Allah SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said: “Nobody should beat up his wife as he does beat up his slave. He should make love with her later some time.”

However, if the woman commits a bigger crime, the husband can beat her not in vengeance but with the intention of reforming her and as a warning.  While beating, he should take care that she should not be hurt seriously. The Books of Fiqha have mentioned that the husband can punish his wife for four things:

a. If the husband orders his wife to decorate herself with ornaments and legitimate make-up but she disobeys and remains dirty.
b. If the husband invites her to bed and she refuses without any legitimate reason.
c. If she does not take bath to purify herself after menses.
d. If she abstain from performing Salaah without a legitimate reason.

In the above circumstances, the husband should first persuade the wife. If she does not agree to comply with his requests, he may threaten her. If she still does not obey him, he can beat her barring her face. He should not beat her so severely to the extent of a fracture or a severe wound.

5. In order to bring peace and prosperity in the married life, both the wife and the husband should take care of each other’s sentiments and emotions. The anger of husband brings to the wife nothing but tension, depression and confusion. Similarly, the anger of the wife brings to the husband nothing but disappointment, mental torture, frustration and bitterness. It is, therefore, advisable to both husband and wife to be patient and compassionate in their dealings.
 

6. The husband should never appreciate the beauty and other merits of strange woman in front of his wife. This may lead to create jealousy and suspicion in the mind of his wife. She would think that her husband has some illicit relations with that woman. This thought is a poison that kills matrimonial relations. If a man cannot tolerate that his wife should wrongly be associated with another man, the wife also cannot tolerate another woman to share her husband. The woman cannot listen to praise and admiration of another woman through the lips of her husband even if that another woman happens to be his mother or sister or some other close relative.

7. Man is, undoubtedly, made a ruler over the woman but it does not mean that he should ask her to do a work, which is beyond her capacity, or a work which she would not like to do. If the husband still insists his wife to do the work against her will, she would accomplish that job unwillingly and this would create a sort of disgust against her husband, which would ultimately mar their matrimonial life.

8. The husband should from time to time censure the life style of his wife - sometimes in a harsh tone, sometimes with love and affection and sometimes with persuasion. There are husbands who always keep a rod hanging with their moustaches and never treat their wives in a good manner other than rebuking and beating them. Such wives get frustrated and start hating their husbands. There are other hen-pecked husbands who over-pamper their wives even after they commit severe blunders. Their wives become stubborn and outspoken.

9. The husband should implement this couplet of Sa’di of Shiraz in their life. He says: “Strictness and pampering are very good things but at appropriate times”. For example, the surgeon cuts open the wound but at the same time apply soothing ointment. Likewise, the husband should not be very strict nor very soft. A middle path always brings good results.

10. The husband, while setting out on a tour, should go to his wife and informally seek her consent in a loving manner and as a matter of goodwill. He may ask her to invoke the Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala that the journey may prove safe and beneficial for him. Similarly, while returning from the tour he should bring some exclusive gifts for her. This gesture would encourage the wife to think with satisfaction that my husband loves me to the extent that even if he was away engaged in his business activities, he remembered me. Thus, a simple initiative on the part of the husband will win over the heart of his wife.

11. If the woman brings anything from her father’s house or prepares herself and presents it to the husband, he should express gratitude and appreciate it. This will please her. The husband should never reject or discard or criticize any gift offered by his wife.

12. If the wife falls sick, the husband should dedicatedly look after her. He should take extra pain in her nursing, feeding, etc. This little service will win over the heart of the wife and she will be very grateful to the husband.
 

13. The husband should express his full confidence and trust in his wife and, to prove this, he should hand over the domain of the house to her so that she may feel dignified and involved. The Holy Prophet of Islam SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said that the woman is the guardian and caretaker of her husband’s house and Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala will take an account from her in this regard on the Day of Judgement.

14. The very benefit of relying on the wife would be that she would feel herself responsible for a vital department in the set up of the household. This will give the husband an opportunity to freely think of other things regarding the promotion and progress of his business.

15. The husband should never share the secrets of her wife with others. Sayyiduna Rasoolullah SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said: “Worst is the person in the sight of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala who goes to his wife and then discloses her secrets and lowers her status in the eyes of others”.

16. The husband should be neat and clean as he expects the same from his wife. He should look smart, dynamic and a loveable person.

17. The husband should provide her with the paraphernalia of personal hygiene such as soap, hair oil, comb, Mehndi, perfumes, etc.  so that the wife may keep herself neat and clean and in better looks.

18. The husband should not level charges of corrupt practices against his wife without going into the depth of the matter. The relationship between a husband and a wife is based purely on mutual understanding. They have to trust each other. Any baseless suspicion against each other would mar the relations of the husband and wife.  A Hadith says: “One Bedouin came to the court of the Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam and said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam, my wife has delivered a child who is dark complexioned and does not resemble me. I am sure it is not my child’. The Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam said, ‘Do you have some camels?’ He said, ‘Yes, I have many camels’.  The Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam asked, ‘What is the colour of those camels?’ He said, ‘They are brown’. The Prophet of Islam SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam asked, ‘Are there some grey camels among them?’ He said, ‘Yes, a few of them are grey’. The Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam said, ‘Tell me how those brown camels gave birth to these grey camels?’ He said, ‘Some camel among the ancestors of my brown camels would have been of grey colour and these grey camels might have taken their origin from that particular camel.’ The Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam said, ‘Similarly, it is possible that anyone among your ancestors would have been of black complexion and your child might have inherited his genetic influence.’”
 

19. If there is some difference of opinion between the husband and wife, the husband should not make a hurry to pronounce divorce to her.  He should exercise restraint. After his anger subsides, he should ponder over the entire matter with a cool mind. He may seek the advice of his elders in this matter and decide whether or not there is a chance of reconciliation and settlement. If a point of understanding and reconciliation emerges, he should act accordingly and refrain from breaking the wedlock. The Beloved Habeeb SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said that the divorce is the most disliked things among the permissible things in the sight of Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala.

20. If both husband and wife feel that there is no way out except the separation, the husband should pronounce one Talaaq after the woman clears her menses.  There will be a temporary separation between them. This period will give them enough time to review their decision of separation. If they think that reconciliation is in their interest, the husband should take his wife back in his arms and forget what had happened between them.  But if they think that they can no more live together, the husband should pronounce the second Talaaq after she clears her menses. The second pronouncement separates both of them. They have still a time to think of reconciliation. If they decide to live together, they have to perform the Nikah afresh after the period of Iddat is over. If they do not go for any reconciliation till the completion of the Iddat period, the third Talaaq will automatically come into force bringing a permanent separation between them. They cannot enter wedlock unless they go for Halalah. Halalah means that the woman should marry another man and have physical intercourse with him. The husband number two should divorce her. After the completion of the period of Iddat, she can marry the husband number one again.

21. There are some ignorant persons who play with the word Talaaq. They pronounce the divorce over minor clashes with their wives. After the pronouncement of divorce they repent and rush to the theologians and Muftis and force them to give a verdict in their favour. Some persons, while approaching the theologians, tell a lie that they had pronounced only one Talaaq. The Mufti has to allow them to retain their wives according to the Law of Sharee’ah. Thus, these ignorant people get themselves involved in establishing relations with a woman who is otherwise not to be taken as wife without Halalah.

22. If a man possesses more than one wife, it is obligatory on him to do justice with them. There should be equal treatment among wives in respect of sustenance, living conditions and personal attention. He has to spend equal time with every one of them. The Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said that if a man has two wives and does not treat them equally, he would be raised on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.

23. If the husband faces some trouble because of the misbehaviour of his wife, he should try to avoid her and keep patience. Woman’s arrogance and foolishness is a natural phenomenon. The Glorious Prophet of Islam SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said: “Woman has been created from the bent rib of Adam Alaihis Salam. If somebody tries to make the bent bone straight, it will rather break instead of becoming straight”. Similarly, if someone tries to set his wife right, there will be more a chance of separation instead of improvement in her nature.

24. The husband should not behave as a miser in meeting the materialistic requirements of his wife nor should he go for extravagance in her maintenance. He should define his expenditure as per his capacity.

25. The husband should not confine his wife within the four walls of his house. She should be taken to her parents and relatives from time to time provided these visits do not bring any trouble to the peace of his house.

Nikah (Marriage) & Walima (Reception) in Islam

''[24:32] Arrange the marriage of the spouseless among you, and the capable from among your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His grace. Allah is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.''

Importance of Marriage in Islam:

Islam has not only permitted Nikah but encouraged it and emphasised its importance. Muslim society has been commanded by Allah (SWT) to engage in Nikah and actively support each other in this endeavour:

[24:32] Arrange the marriage of the spouseless among you, and the capable from among your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His grace. Allah is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.

Muslim women have also been discouraged to live a life of celibacy and commanded by Allah (SWT) to choose a suitable spouse:

[2:232] When you have divorced women, and they have reached (the end of) their waiting period, do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they mutually agree with fairness. Thus the advice is given to everyone of you who believes in Allah and in the Hereafter. This is more pure and clean for you. Allah knows and you do not know.

In fact, Allah (SWT) describes his special blessings to Prophets (AS) having granted them wives and children:

[13:38] We have sent messengers before you, and gave them wives and children. It is not for a messenger to bring a verse without the will of Allah. For every age there are some rules prescribed.

Our beloved Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) also commanded Muslims to engage in Nikah as it is best for their character and modesty and helps them with guarding their gaze.

Narrated 'Abdullah (RA): We were with the Prophet (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." [Bukhari]

Warning to those who disregard marriage:

The Sunnah of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) discourages from life of celibacy and abstinence from Nikah and equates abstinence from Nikah as not following the traditions of Islam.

Narrated Anas bin Malik (RA):  A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)." [Bukhari]

Legal Status of Marriage in Islam:

Shaykh (Mufti) Mohammed Sajjad writes, “Nikah is a very blessed Sunnah so much so that scholars have written to occupy oneself in arranging to marry, or in maintaining ones' marriage through earning a living etc. is preferred over performing extra (nafl) acts of worship, See Rad al-Muhtar, vol.4 p.57. Having said this, for a person who cannot control his gaze and is committing Zina of the eyes etc. it will be obligatory (wajib) to marry to preserve his Deen.”

Shaykh (Maulana) Khalid Saifullah Rahmani writes in Halal wa Haram, “It is even recommended for a person who has sexual urges but doesn’t fear that he will fall into Fitnah that he should marry and some have categorised his status (need) for Nikah as Sunnah while others as Mustahab (recommended) but in reality Nikah cannot be categorised as less then Sunnah and those who have declared it Mustahab (recommended) for him do actually mean that it is indeed Sunnah”

Procedure for Marriage in Islam:

Choosing a suitable partner:

Although beauty, physical attraction or a feature which is pleasing can be adopted as a means of choosing a partner as subtly hinted in the Qur’aan:

[4:3]...marry the women you like...

But the ultimate criteria and basis should be the religious inclination and practise of the individual.

Narrated Abu Huraira (RA): The Prophet (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. [Bukhari]

A healthy marital life coupled with a good relationship make up the prime objects of Nikah. That is only possible when natural inclinations and backgrounds are shared (by both spouses). In the absence of such unity, living together successfully, despite great effort is indeed difficult, as attested to by many marital breakdowns due to non-compatibility.

Certain actions and situations elicit different responses from persons of differing backgrounds and nature. For this reason, the Shari’ah has considered Kafaa’at (suitability and compatibility) between spouses necessary.

Shaykh (Maulana) Khalid Saifullah Rahmani writes in Halal wa Haram, “Fuqaha have suggested nine (9) areas of Kafaa’at (suitability and compatibility) and they are:

1Lineage

2Being independent or enslaved

3Born Muslim or being a Revert (to Islam)

4Trustworthy and having Taqwa

5Financial status

6Honour and community standing

7Profession & Trade

8Free from physical defects

9Intellect and Maturity

However, the main aspect for consideration is Deen & Akhlaq as Allamah Kasani (RA) has stated in Badai-us-sanai, “It is preferred by us to consider Deen and to rely on it exclusively” “

Looking at the potential partner:

Shaykh (Maulana) Khalid Saifullah Rahmani writes in Halal wa Haram, “Islamic Shariah wants the bonds of marriage to be strong and everlasting therefore it is recommended to look at the person beforehand and it is permitted to look at her in secret. However, looking should be with the intention of marrying and not for evil purposes and it is not permitted to spend time with the potential spouse in seclusion”

Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah (RA): Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said, “When one of you asked a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so. He (Jabir) said: I asked a girl in marriage, I used to look at her secretly, until I looked at what induced me to marry her. I, therefore, married her.” [Abi Daud]

Venue for Marriage and publicising it:

Shaykh (Mufti) Ibraheem Desai  writes, “It is Sunnah for the marriage to be pronounced and performed in the Masjid”

Aisha (RA) narrated that Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said, “Publicise these marriages, conduct them in mosques, and beat the duff (tambourines) to announce them”. [Tirmidhi]

Proposal & Acceptance, two male witnesses and Wakeel and the Dowry:

Since the purpose of Nikah is to safeguard a person’s chastity and modesty, Islam has kept the procedure for Nikah very simple and straight forward.

Shaykh (Mufti) Ibraheem Desai  writes, “Nikah is performed with a proposal (Iejaab) by the male or female and acceptance (Qubool) by the male or female in the past tense and in the presence of two male Muslim witnesses (Hidaaya vol. 2). The bride gives consent to her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of two witnesses to perform her marriage at the Masjid. At the Masjid, the Wakeel represents the bride in the presence of the two witnesses and the stipulated dowry. The witnesses must be two trustworthy and pious male Muslims who are not her ascendants e.g. father, grandfather or descendants e.g. son, grandson, etc. The Mahr (dowry) is the woman's right and should be stipulated prior to the marriage.”

Aisha (RA) narrates that Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said, “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.”[Bayhaqi]

Ibn Qudamah (RA) said: Marriage cannot be done except with two Muslim witnesses, whether the couple are both Muslims, or only the husband is Muslim...[Al-Mughni]

[4:4] Give women their dower in good cheer. Then, if they forego some of it, of their own will, you may have it as pleasant and joyful.

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Forced marriage in Islam

All of the above is to be done with the permission and consent of the husband and wife. The case of forced marriages is discussed below.

Q) Five years ago I was coerced into a forced arranged marriage; I mumbled the words "accept" as I wanted to return back to the UK. Since that day I have had no contact with my "wife" and my family has realized that I am not happy. After 5 years they are ready to bring her over from Pakistan, however I do not feel that I can take her as my wife. I can't seem to see the qualities in her for a wife, and there are too many cultural differences, she is uneducated and I am a professional. I neither find her attractive and can't see any good characteristics - I wish for a practicing strong Muslim who will make my children good strong Muslims. I have tried to ask myself sincerely whether I could live with her as husband and wife, and if I can change her - but realistically I can't, and there is no common ground. Though I am closer to my din than before, my family is non-practicing. Several discussions have occurred with my parents regarding this issue; all they believe is that it will work as they did the same. I intend to do istikharah. What do I do, and what is the ruling.

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

If you did accept her as your wife meaning that offer (ijab) and acceptance (qabul) did take place in the presence of two male witnesses, then you are considered Islamically married, hence she is your wife and you her husband. You state that you did say "accept", thus I presume your marriage is valid.

If you were forced into marrying her and you do not wish to remain married to her, then there would be nothing wrong Islamically in divorcing her. It is your right whom you marry, hence the decision is yours. At times, it is better to part ways in the early stages and before consummation, rather than have problems later on.

Thus, you need to really discuss matters with your parents, family, relatives and a local scholar of knowledge and piety. If you think you will not be able to maintain her as a wife and fulfill her rights, you may divorce her, as this would be lesser harm.

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK

Q) 3 years ago I was forced married to my cousin in Pakistan against my will with threats to be killed etc. I have since then fought to get rid of that man, and now it seems that I will get my divorce soon InshaAllah. Since he is a cousin, the divorce will have some serious consequences for me. My parents have told me that they will not have any link with me if I get married again. Also I have been told that they - the male members of the family- will beat up the potential man if he is not from our clan (zaat, in urdu) [...] Now, after having described the situation, I would like to ask you whether it will be permissible for me to marry someone without the consent of my parents as they will never ever accept anyone that I will point on. I know for sure that I will try my best to convince them but they are not very cooperative as they think that I have not cooperated with them on the cousin marriage.

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

You have a free choice and will to marry whosoever you want. Your parents cannot force you into marrying someone you don't want to marry. As such, when you are Islamically divorced, you may marry [after your waiting period (idda)] without the consent of your parents (due to the circumstances you have outlined in your question) as long as the potential spouse is considered a legal match (kuf').

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK

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Minimum Dowry:

 Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad ibn Adam writes, “The least mehr which can be given is Ten dirhams (approximately 31 grams of silver). (Al Hidayaah). Today the mehr value is calculated by using the weight of silver which would equal the amount of dirhams. For example the mehr fatimi is 131.24 tolas. (this weight is constant is will not change). But the value of this amount of Silver is continuously changing according to the stock market. The change takes place every month or so. To be able to work out the approximate value for ten dirhams one can take the weight of the mehr Fatimi (131.25 tolas )and divide it by 400 (because 400 dirhams was the mehr which Hadhrat Fatimah was married with) and then multiply it by ten (to equal the weight of ten dirhams). This will give the value of silver which is equal to ten dirhams.”

Shaykh (Maulana) Luqman Hansoot has detailed the minimum Meh’r and the Meh’r Fatimti (i.e. the dowry given to Sayyidituna Fatima (RA)) by Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) in the following table:

Type of Mehr	Dirhams (Silver)	Grams (Silver)	Troy Ounces (Silver)
Minimum	10	30.615175	0.9843
Meg'r Fatimi	480	1469.64495	47.24928

 When Dowry was not stipulated?

Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad ibn Adam writes, “If the dowry (mahr) was not stipulated in the contract of marriage, then the husband is obliged to pay what is “typically” received as marriage payment by similar brides (mahr al-mithl), if the marriage was consummated.

Imam al-Mawsili (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“If one did not fix dowry for her or one made a condition that she will not receive any dowry, she will receive what is typically received by similar brides (mahr al-mithl), if after consummation of marriage or death. She will receive a small gift (mut’a) in case of divorce before consummation.” (al-Ikhtiyar li ta’lil al-Mukhtar, 2/126)”

Marriage Sermon (Khutbah):

Shaykh (Maulana) Khalid Saifullah Rahmani writes in Halal wa Haram, “The following is referred to us as ‘Khutbatul-Hajjah” in Hadeeth and can be read at any occasion but in a narration of Baihaqi it has been linked with the occasion of Nikah”

إِنَّ الحَمدَ لِلَّهِ ، نَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغفِرُهُ ، وَنَعُوذُ بِهِ مِن شُرُورِ أَنفُسِنَا ، مَن يَهدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلا مُضِلَّ لَهُ ، وَمَن يُضلِل فَلا هَادِيَ لَه ، وَأَشهَدُ أَن لا إِلَهَ إِلا اللَّهُ وَأَشهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبدُهُ وَرَسُولُه .

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالاً كَثِيراً وَنِسَاء وَاتَّقُواْ اللّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءلُونَ بِهِ وَالأَرْحَامَ إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيباً

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ اتَّقُواْ اللّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ وَلاَ تَمُوتُنَّ إِلاَّ وَأَنتُم مُّسْلِمُونَ

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَقُولُوا قَوْلاً سَدِيداً يُصْلِحْ لَكُمْ أَعْمَالَكُمْ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَمَن يُطِعْ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ فَازَ فَوْزاً عَظِيماً

Praise be to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) is His slave and Messenger

[4:1] O men, fear your Lord who created you from a single soul, and from it created its match, and spread many men and women from the two. Fear Allah in whose name you ask each other (for your rights), and fear (the violation of the rights of) the womb-relations. Surely, Allah is watchful over you.

[3:102] O you who believe, fear Allah, as He should be feared, and let not yourself die save as Muslims.

[33:70] O you who believe, fear Allah, and speak in straightforward words.[33:71] (If you do so,) Allah will correct your deeds for your benefit, and forgive your sins for you. Whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger achieves a great success.

Congratulating the Groom:

It is from the Sunnah of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) to congratulate the groom with this dua:

بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ وَبَارَكَ عَلَيْكَ وَجمََعَ بَيْنَكُمَا فِي الخَْيْرِ

Sayyidina Abu Hurayrah (RA) reported that when a man married, Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) would say to him, “May Allah bless you and bless it for you and may He join you with goodness!” [Tirmidhi]

Feast of Walima:

Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad ibn Adam writes, “The Arabic word Walima (marriage banquet) is derived from the root word Walam, which literally means to gather and assemble. The Arabs used it for a meal or feast where people were invited and gathered. Later, the term became exclusive for the wedding banquet. The Arabs used different terms for the various feasts they enjoyed. For example: al-I’zar on the occasion of a child’s circumcision, al-Khurs for a marriage not ending in divorce, al-Wakira on building a new home, al-Naqi’ah when a traveller returns home, al-Aqiqah on the seventh day after childbirth, al-Ma’duba for a general meal without any specific reason, etc. (See: Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, 9/300 & Ibn Qudamah, al-Mugni, 7/1). The marriage feast (walima) is a Sunna of our beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). It is an outward expression of gratitude and pleasure and a great means of publicising the marriage, which has been greatly encouraged.”

Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)  saw a yellow mark on Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (RA) and said: “What’s this?” He replied: “I have married a woman with the dowry being gold to the weight of a date-stone.” The Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said: “May Allah bless you (in your marriage), perform a Walima, even if it is only with a goat.” [Bukhari]

Shaykh (Maulana) Khalid Saifullah Rahmani writes in Halal wa Haram, “The Walima feast and its preparation is dependent upon the financial status and means of the individual as he (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) himself offered different varieties of feast on various occasions of his walima”

The Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) himself provided a Walima after many of his marriages. He provided meat and bread on the occasion of his marriage with Zaynab bint Jahsh (RA), Hays (a type of sweat-dish cooked with dates, cheese & butter) on the occasion of his marriage with Safiyya (RA) and barley on another occasion. [Bukhari & Muslim]

The time of Walima:

Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad ibn Adam writes, “The scholars have disagreed as to the correct time of this Walima. There are many opinions. For example:

1At the time of the marriage contract,

2After the marriage contract and before consummation of marriage,

3At the time of the wedding procession (bride leaving for her husband’s house) (Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, 9/287)

However, the majority of the scholars (jumhur) are of the opinion that Walima is a meal that is prepared after the marriage has been consummated. This was the practice of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), as explicitly mentioned in one narration.

Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (RA) narrates that he was a boy of ten when the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) migrated to Madina. (He added): “My mother and aunts used to urge me to serve the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) regularly, thus I served him for ten years. When the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)  passed away, I was twenty years old, and I knew about the order of Hijab more than anyone else, when it was revealed. It was revealed for the first time when the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)  had consummated his marriage with Zainab bint Jahsh (RA). The Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)  in the morning was a bridegroom, and he invited the people to a banquet. So they came, ate, and then all left except a few who remained with the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) for a long time….. [Bukhari]

Sayyiduna Anas (RA) said: “The Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) consummated his marriage with a woman (Zainab), so he sent me to invite people for a meal.” [Bukhari]

The great Hadith master (hafidh), Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (RA) states:

“The Hadith of Anas (quoted above) is clear in determining that Walima is considered to be after the consummation of marriage.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/199. Also see: I’la al-Sunan, vol. 10, p. 11)

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“The marriage banquet (walima) is a Sunna and there is great reward in it. And it is carried out when the marriage is consummated.” [al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 5/343]”

The Hanafi jurists (fuqaha) are of the opinion that, a banquet up to two days will be considered to be a Walima, after which it will no longer be considered a Walima.

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“There is nothing wrong in inviting people the next day after consummation or the day after. After that, marriage and Walima celebrations will come to an end.” [5/343]

It has also been reported from the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)  that he stated:

“Walima on the first day is confirmed (haq), and on the second day, it is good (ma’ruf), and on the third day, it is showing off.” [Abi Daud]

Who should be invited to Walima?

Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad ibn Adam writes, “Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (RA) states: “The worst food is that of a wedding banquet (walima) to which only the rich are invited whilst the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam).” [Bukhari]

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“It is recommended to invite neighbours, relatives and friends.” (5/343)

Thus, one should invite family-members, relatives, friends, associates, scholars and pious people and others. It is wrong to invite only rich people or those who are regarded to be from the upper-class.

The Islamic status of accepting the Walima invitation?

Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad ibn Adam writes, “Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said: “If one of you is invited to a wedding banquet (walima), then he must accept the invitation.” [Bukhari]

Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam): “Accept this (marriage) invitation if you are invited to it.” And Abd Allah ibn Umar used to accept the invitation whether to a wedding banquet or to any other feast, even when he was fasting. [Bukhari]

Due to the above and other narrations, many scholars regard the acceptance of a Walima invitation to be binding, and one will be sinful for refusing it.

The great Hadith and Sahfi’i scholar, Imam al-Nawawi (RA) has mentioned various opinions of the scholars in this regard:

1It is personally obligatory (fard ayn), except if there is an excuse,

2It is a general obligation (fard kifaya)

3It is recommended (mandub) (See: Nawawi, al-Minhaj, Sharh Sahih Muslim, 1080)

In the Hanafi Madhhab, the preferred opinion is that, accepting a Walima invitation is an emphatic Sunna (sunna al-Mu’akkada), and accepting other invitations is recommended (mandub). This is in normal cases, for if there is a valid reason, one will be excused from not attending.

Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“The (hanafi) scholars have differed as to the ruling of accepting a Walima invitation. Some have stated that it is necessary (wajib), in that it is impermissible to refuse. However the majority of the scholars mention that it is a Sunna. It is better to accept it if it is a Walima invitation, otherwise (on other occasions) one has a choice to accept it, and to accept it would be better, because it creates joy and happiness in the heart of a Muslim.

When one accepts the invitation and attends the party, one has fulfilled the responsibility, regardless of whether one ate or otherwise, although it is better to eat if one is not fasting……It is stated in al-Ikhtiyar: “A Walima is an established Sunna. The one who does not accept it would be sinful, for the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him& give him peace) said: “He who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” If one is fasting, then one should attend and make Dua, and if not, then one should eat and make Dua. However, if one neither eats nor attends, then one will be sinful….

This indicates that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, contrary to meals and invitations on other occasions. Some commentators of al-Hidaya have declared that it is close to being a Wajib.” (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr, 6/349)

In light of Ibn Abidin’s explanation, it becomes clear that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, and one must accept it. Refusing to attend will be offensive if not sinful, provided one does not have an excuse, and also that one was specifically invited to the Walima.”

Disagreeable customs, innovations and forbidden practises associated with Wedding:

Shaykh (Maulana) Saleem Dhorat writes, “In aping Western methods sheepishly, Muslims have adopted many customs which are un-Islamic and frowned upon. Some examples are:

1Displaying the bride on stage;

2Inviting guests for the wedding from far off places;

3Receiving guests in the hall;

4The bride's people incurring unnecessary expenses by holding a feast which has no basis in Shariah. We should remember that Walimah is the feast arranged by the bridegroom after the marriage is consummated.

5It is contrary to Sunnah (and the practice of some non-Muslim tribes in India) to wish, hope for or demand presents and gifts for the bridegroom, from the bride's people. We should always remember that our Nabi (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) did not give Ali (RA) anything except Dua”

Shaykh (Maulana) Saleem Dhorat previously narrates the blessed wedding of Siyyidituna Fatima and Sayydina Ali (RA) and concludes that the following methods can be derived from it:

1The many customs as regards engagement are contrary to the Sunnah. In fact, many are against the Shariah and are regarded as sins. A verbal proposal and answer is sufficient.

2To unnecessarily delay Nikah of both the boy and the girl after having reached the age of marriage is incorrect.

3There is nothing wrong in inviting one's close associates for the occasion of Nikah. However, no special pains should be taken in gathering the people from far off places.

4It is appropriate that the bridegroom be a few years older than the bride.

5If the father of the girl is a Scholar or pious and capable of performing Nikah, then he should himself solemnise the marriage.

6It is better to give the Mahr Faatimi and one should endeavour to do so. But if one does not have the means then there is nothing wrong in giving less.

7It is totally un-Islamic for those, who do not possess the means, to incur debts in order to have grandiose weddings.

8It is fallacy to think that one's respect will be lost if one does not hold an extravagant wedding and invite many people. What is our respect compared to that of (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)?

9The present day practice of the intermingling of sexes is an act of sin and totally against Shariah.

10There is nothing such as engagement parties and Medhi parties in Islam.

11Great care must be taken as regards to Salaat on occasions of marriage by all - the bride, the bridegroom and all the participants.

12It is un-Islamic to display the bride on stage.

13The unnecessary expenses incurred by the bride's family in holding a feast has no basis in Shariah.

14For the engaged couple to meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring on her finger is a violation of the Qur'anic law of Hijaab.

15It is un-Islamic for the engaged couple to meet each other and also go out together.

16Three things should be borne in mind when giving one's daughter gifts and presents at the time of Nikah:

a.Presents should be given within one's means (it is not permissible to take loans, on interest for such presents);

b.To give necessary items;

c.A show should not be made of whatever is given.

17It is Sunnat for the bridegroom's family to make Walimah. In Walimah, whatever is easily available should be fed to the people and care should be taken that the is no extravagance, show and that no debts are incurred in the process.

18To delay Nikah after the engagement is un-Islamic.

Confused: My Marriages Failed Despite Istikhara

Q.) I am extremly perplexed and grieved concerning my present situation and shaytan is also attacking me with various iman endangering thoughts. Please can you answer my following question and put my mind at rest. I married a woman about 3 years ago. I went to see her and everything was done the Islamic way. i.e. I did Mashwera (consultation) and Istikhara (and I saw good dreams and my heart felt content.) But despite the istikhara, etc. Our marriage broke up after just a few weeks of living together, as it transpired that she was mentally unstable.

I married again this year, this time I was extra cautious and therefore did Istikhara over a long period and begged Allah to guide me, as a result of which I saw many good dreams. I also had the dreams interpreted by a scholar who gave me the go ahead. After that I did consultation with my superiors and they also gave me the go ahead. But, Again this marriage has broken down in a short span of time.

Why is it that both my marriages have failed (through no fault of mine, I tried my best both times) even though I did Istikhara and Mashwera both times and felt content at heart.

Please reply soon and put my mind at rest, I am losing hope and shaytan is playing with my mind and making me doubt the words of Allah and his Prophet. (naoozobillah) Please reply soon. Jazakallah. A distressed brother in need. [s.m.]

A.) Istikhara is a particular form of prayer and the masnoon way of doing is that a person offers 2 Rakats with the intention of Istikhara then recites the Dua for Istikhara which may be found in all the books of prayer. The other ways of Istikhara which are suggested by some persons are not masnoon. So far as the effect of Istikhara is concerned you must observe the following points:

1First of all you must know that Istikhara is nothing more than a normal Dua in which a person prays to Allah Subhanahu Taala to guide him to reach a right decision. It is not correct to presume that in response to an Istikhara Allah gives an answer in the form of a dream. Similarly it is not necessary that a dream is seen after making an Istikhara and even though a dream is seen by the relevant person it is not an absolute answer towards a particular direction because dream is not treated in Shariah as a binding proof of something. The expected result of Istikhara is that the relevant person himself takes a decision which is good for him in this world or in the hereinafter or in both. But just as the grant of other prayers depends on certain conditions the Istikhara is subject to those conditions as well. If some of these conditions are lacking, it is not necessary that this prayer is granted

2Second, to make an Istikhara does not mean that a person abandons all other necessary enquiries. A person must carry out all efforts necessary to reach a correct decision even after making Istikhara. If a person is content on Istikhara only and does not make the required efforts to reach the correct decision he may fall into error.

3Third, in this particular case the reason for breakup of marriages is not certainly known. It is possible that the marriage failed not because the decision to marry that woman was wrong but because the husband could not properly handle the marriage. In other words it is possible that the decision to marry the woman was correct but the decision to divorce her was wrong.

4Fourth, as mentioned in the first point in some rare cases Istikhara does not prove to be fruitful in this world but it is certain to be fruitful in the world hereinafter.